831
by Absolute Jackass
Summary: Eight letters. Three words. One meaning. The most difficult thing to say or do is much more valuable than anything that is valuable that you can buy with money. Love doesn't love anybody.


**Authors Note: **I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by. Whoooosssh!

So read, review 'cos i'm spending a year dead for tax reasons.

* * *

**Chains of fools**

I know how it feels to be all on your own. To live alone in a cruel world where hearts are bound to turn to stone. I'm tired of breathing. Everything's not right. I just can't stand the pain. The pain of knowing there's no where else to run. No one else to turn to. I'm just too numb to notice anything…to believe in anything…

What about God?

Do you believe in _him_? No, there's no one up there who cares about me. No one. Wait, what_ is_ God? Just an imagination? Or reality? We pray and hope it works out. Sometimes it succeeds. Sometimes it fails. Maybe it was just a coincidence, and the bible just a book…

Nothing more and nothing less.

Maybe we are just hopeful because we have to believe in something. Does anyone really know? We simply believe…

I used to have a life before all this happened. A family. A job…and I had _her_.

All I needed was her. I didn't ask for anything else. I was happy. But leave it to this so-called God to ruin it all. What did I ever do wrong? Nothing. Nothing wrong. Does God need a reason to ruin lives? No. No, he doesn't.

I know how easy it is to let go, to surrender to despair lurking at my door, to the shadows dancing out my window. To lose my soul and all the feelings left in my bleeding heart. I know this sounds corny but I don't give a shit…

So many things were left unsaid, so many deeds undone but I've stopped caring cause the war has begun.

Things have changed. Not for the better and also not for the worse. People occasionally stumble over the truth but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing every happened.

I wanted to leave. I wanted to go. But I couldn't. Chains of love--chains of sorrow pull me back and keep me in a web of self-hatred. I'm already considering my escape from this world. The smile on my face…the pointless jokes…only a cover. Just an act.

There's no turning back in this unending path of mine. To hell and back again was always the destination. The more I stayed the harder it was to go. With every step I took, the less I knew myself. Countless times I've prayed for forgiveness but God just laughed at my face and this path remained leading me into solitude zones.

An empire of hate, today without tomorrow.

That's all it was, a life full of sorrow. But when I met her, the wounds slowly healed, I'm slowly becoming her human shield.

Her tears kept coming, as her world crumbled. I wouldn't know…I've never suffered the way she did. Having someone I truly care about die. No, I didn't. But the worst was knowing that it could happen, dreading the passing days…and knowing that you couldn't do anything about it.

That was life.

Whoever has lived long enough to find out what life is, knows how deep a debt of gratitude we owe to Adam, the first great benefactor of our race. He brought death into the world.

I could see the flame in her eyes, the flame that had once led my soul astray. No one's safe from it's tender touch of pain. The feeling was always flooding inside you, controlling your actions…All it needed was that little nudge to make it active.

That little nudge happened to appear today.

And everyday, it's looking for more slaves to celebrate the pure beauty of the grave. It was always craving. Craving for deliverance…revenge…

_If you want to save her then first, you have to save yourself…_

Fear. Death. Love. Hate…It's all the same fucking thing.

_If you want to free her from the hurt, don't do it with pain…_

Take it all out. Hate sheltering you from the rain, saving you, helping you to survive…

_If you want to see her happy then don't show her your fear…_

Love can be as cold as grave.

I owe her my whole life. What's left of it, anyways. Arranged by the person way up in heaven, my world used to be on fire. And nobody could save me but her.

Nobody.

_Love can be as cold as grave…and now it's her you have to save…_

No matter what happened, no matter how much I tried, it seemed in some unexplainable way, it had always been me who ended up comforting her whilst she cried over her father, hot tears streaking down her smooth, lotion-coated face.

_What a wicked game to play…trying to make him feel this way…_

"It's gonna be okay Abby," I whispered, setting a hand on her forearm. "I'm here..."  
The expression on her face suggested that I should let go and leave. With a dreadful sinking in my gut, I slowly removed my hand only to be pulled into a tight hug.

_No one can hurt you now in this haven safe and sound…_

_No one can save you now from this grace you are drowning in…_

_Just hold your breath on your way down…_

_No one can save you now…_

_From the chains around your heart…_

_Don't be afraid now…_

_Just dive in this emptiness…_

"Don't leave me, King. Don't ever leave me…"


End file.
